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Attachment styles


Did you know that the basic of every relationship is nothing but attachment?

But what is an attachment style and why should you care?

Attachment is the emotional bond that connects you with another person.

But hold on! Before you start blaming relationship problems on your parents, it is important to note that childhood attachment styles are not necessarily identical to adult attachments. Also, other experiences play an important role in adult attachment styles. Yet, your childhood molds you into the person you are. Attachment styles are characterized by different ways of interacting in relationships, how we perceive and deal with closeness, and emotional intimacy.


Understanding your attachment style helps you to get an understanding why and how you are interacting with others. It is an emotional relationship that involves an exchange of care and pleasure. It is an evolutionary and scientific theory about relationship between human beings.

How you attach to other adults corresponds with how you attached to others as a child.

But hold on! Before you start blaming relationship problems on your parents, it is important to note that childhood attachment styles are not necessarily identical to adult attachments. Also, other experiences play an important role in adult attachment styles. Yet, your childhood molds you into the person you are. Attachment styles are characterized by different ways of interacting in relationships, how we perceive and deal with closeness and emotional intimacy.

4 distinct styles of attachment have been identified which I want to share with you during the next days, so stay curious and attentive!

A secure attachment in adults means that they are low on avoidance or anxiety. They are comfortable with intimacy, can develop emotional bonds easily. They have healthy views of themselves and also of others. They are able to communicate their emotions and needs, and listen to and understand the emotions and needs of their partners. They are not worried about rejection or preoccupied with the relationship. They don’t worry about being abandoned or about someone getting too closed. They are able to manage swings in mood and emotions in general. They feel comfortable in a loving and emotionally close relationship and are able to seek out social support, if necessary. They don’t get into gossips or dramas and are rather trusting, empathic, tolerant and forgiving. They don’t look for conflicts but also don’t avoid what has to be solved. They able to manage emotions and see the big picture, they accept other opinions and have healthy boundaries.



4 TYPES OF ATTACHMENT

Secure – autonomous

Anxious – preoccupied

Avoidant – dismissing

Anxious – avoidant

Part I

Secure and autonomous

A secure attachment in adults means that they are low on avoidance or anxiety. They are comfortable with intimacy, can develop emotional bonds easily. They have healthy views of themselves and also of others. They are able to communicate their emotions and needs, and listen to and understand the emotions and needs of their partners. They are not worried about rejection or preoccupied with the relationship. They don’t worry about being abandoned or about someone getting too closed. They are able to manage swings in mood and emotions in general. They feel comfortable in a loving and emotionally close relationship and are able to seek out social support, if necessary. They don’t get into gossips or dramas and are rather trusting, empathic, tolerant, and forgiving. They don’t look for conflicts but also don’t avoid what has to be solved. They able to manage emotions and see the big picture, they accept other opinions and have healthy boundaries.es.

Part II

Anxious- preoccupied


An anxious attachment in adults means that they tend to be nervous and stressed about their relationships. They are constantly worried about being rejected or abandoned. As a consequence, do they need ongoing reassurance and affection from their partner. They are having trouble being alone, yet at the same time are they have trouble trusting people, even if they are closed to them and tent to be overly sensitive to the partner’s actions and moods and takes the partner’s behavior too personally.

Adults with this attachment style are not able to depend on their partner and their behavior can be irrational, sporadic. They have poor personal boundaries, are unaware of their own responsibilities, and often blame others.

Part III

Avoidant – dismissing


An avoidant attachment in adults means that this person is emotionally distant and rejecting intimate relationships. They are highly independent, self-directed, and feel suffocated when people try to get close to them. They equate intimacy with a loss of their independence and therefore prefer autonomy to togetherness. In every relationship, they always have an exit strategy. Their independence is a priority. Communication is intellectual, they avoid conflicts and tent to explode easily. Men are more likely than women to be avoidant types. They “don’t want anything serious” in a partnership and end up ditching their partner after the passion is gone.



Part IV

Anxious – avoidant


An anxious-avoidant attachment in adults means that they are insecure in intimate relationships and constantly worried about rejections and abandonment. They are not only afraid of commitment or intimacy; they lash out at anyone who tries to get close to them. At the same time, they tend to be needy which can scare partners away. They often spend much time alone, are highly emotional and argumentative, even angry and controlling. They take feedback too personally and don’t know how to have a collaborative communication. They lack empathy and remorse. They usually have more pending issues such as substance abuse, depressions, or even criminality.



➡️➡️Could you find yourself or your partner in one of the styles?

➡️➡️ Do you want to know more about how to move to a healthier relationship with your partner?



An attachment style can be changed, though, at times, it is a slow and difficult process.

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Drop me a message and I will come back to you shortly.

CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE- CHANGE YOUR OUTCOME

#selflove #relationship #healthyboundaries #lifecoaching #motivation


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